Tonight I thought to myself that america is failing. For me youth holds a special place in my heart but tonight I took a step back and looked into the eyes of this drunk girl sitting at the next table and then the eyes of my friend who confessed her undying love for me while under the influence of alcohol. This is what is wrong with youth now a days I promise you they all will be seen in church on sunday. And frankly thats what some churches have become a place for quick non meaningful redemption. So where did that leave me tonight? Easy it left me in a booth with great friends and not a care in the world because I was not the one that was drunk. However I only felt that for a fraction of a second then all I could feel was empty. Now did this mean that I was feeling empty or i was feeling empty for her? Ill be honest it was both Ive fallen out of sight of God. This is something I must fix. Also there comes into the story a girl. now normally I have short term crushes or I think im madly in love with her and go straight into the relationship praying that she will be the one. Finally I have figured out why I do this. I want a relationship so bad im willing to tell myself anything to believe that Im in love. So am I empty for myself or for this girl? Both but she made me see what i was feeling.
wow I have failed epically at keeping up with this blog. For that I apologize. Today my song slump has come to an end. I will be finishing up a new one in the next week and posting it. The chorus talks about how in the arms of God there is nothing but Love for us. This comes from me striving to find a place that i can call home. (Not implying that my house isn't home but im going to school.) But more where am I going to settle down and what God is going to do in my life. So this song speaks directly to my heart. I hope this has been in some way informational as to where im going im going to be posting more often most likely next time will be discussing how my last sunday goes.
Darlene Zschech once said (paraphrased) " in order to write worship music you have allow God to Throw you into deep water." Sounds easy right? Well think again because as you get into that deep water you start to see you own issues. As many people know you don't want to see your issues you want to be God vessel. Unfortunately if you don't fix your junk you will be hindering yourself. I feel that I'm not producing the fruit that is my music in the way God wants me to. I firmly believe this has to do with several things I am struggling with and would appreciate prayer. Until I fix some of these issue because fixing everything is super hard and takes years of healing I will not be writing music. On a happier note I will continue to play at youth group and will use this blog to keep he few people that read it how this decision is playing out. "I feel that people are feed up with Christian music because all of it truth but it doesn't deal at all with the wrestling the struggling to believe that." Mike Donehey.
So work has been a tough five months. I work with no christians what soever. Please take note that this is not bash any of the people i work with. I had about a two hour discussion with two of my coworkers about revelations which to be honest has A. kept me up late into the night trying to find the right words to say without cramming Jesus down their throat. So this has become my new challange not to change them but to plant a seed that will hopfully grow.
So lets imagine for a second that i know that God is with me at all times but with me being human am still scared and cant sleep. Well im there. In less then twelve hours i will get up infront highly trained musicians play two songs that i feel are the best representation of my skill and then see what they have to say. This is not me wanting sympathy just me addressing my fears. for those of you that have kept me in your prayers I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Overall my Savior is in control and He will light my path. All im left to say is MY GOD REIGNS!!!!!
So for those of you that don't know my minor in college will be youth ministries. I love working with youth I really do and cant wait to be a youth pastor but until then I do what I can. Today at work I realized something that is over taking my generation and it frustrates me to no end. I realized that doing drugs and such is the thing the "cool kids" do. To be honest ( im in no way perfect and struggle with allot things) this has to change. Because the emptiness that I can hear in there voices cries out to me saying " if I knew God". That is a hard thing to explain when the world is full of hate and anger and destruction. I just get so frustrated when people say that the only way a marriage will work is if you have sex before you get married. This should be a generation that praises God in a new way not take a step back. I have seen with my own eyes a building full of youth completely lost in worship and its the most amazing thing. So in a way this is a challenge to all who read. Who are you praying for? The enemy has a powerful foot hold right now so please pray leaders amongst all youth pray constantly and seek diligently to find God on your own in a new way. We can't change the world but we can help to make our community a place where God is reflected in our eyes.
So recently I've been lacking inspiration for my music. I also have noticed that even when I feel like I've hit on something it just doesn't come out the way I intend it to. So I have found that going into Gods word brings inspiration and relief. So what am I trying to say? Well even when you feel that you cant get thru life the bible will offer the most comfort.